Is that REALLY your goal?
I coach people to help them discover, clarify, and go after their goal. So, when a fellow coach said to me “Is that really your goal?”, my first thought was a bit defiant.
- Of course it is!
- I know how to do this.
- I have a BUNCH of successful client stories.
- What do YOU know?
I didn’t say any of that out loud. She is an experienced enough coach that she could have handled my belligerent thoughts. She probably guessed I was thinking them.
As I’m writing this I realize that I have clients who I’m sure have these same thoughts when I first ask them difficult questions.
Back to the story. After pausing, staring into space, staring at her, and probably making all kinds of thinking sorts of noises, I said: “I thought it was, but now…”
“Now, I need to go to the restroom.”
In my defense, I had legitimately been thinking about going to the restroom for a bit but thought I’d wait for a pause in the conversation. I decided this was a good time to force a pause in the conversation.
We laughed. I took a break. By the time I returned to our table, I had decided that the answer was obvious.
If it was really my goal, I would believe it is as good as done.
How did she know?
I was sharing my thoughts with her about my lack of movement toward my goal. I thought I was sharing the news; reporting status. We rarely catch on to ourselves that most of these status thoughts are not facts. It helps to have someone to reflect them back to us.
We hadn’t seen each other for a few months, so after my stats update, she asked me to remind her of my goal. Then she asked THE QUESTION.
I see now what she saw. Many of these “fact” thoughts were exactly what was holding me back from finding solutions.
This doesn’t mean that the answer needs to stay the same. Maybe it can be my goal, but I need to find belief in it. Now that I know that I don’t believe I will reach it, or maybe I don’t care if I reach it, or maybe I want to shoot for other goals more, or maybe I just have other priorities right now, I get to decide what I want to do.
Without awareness, I suspect that I would have reported some version of the same status when I see her in a few months.
I’ll let you know what I decide, and hopefully if I share some status fact-thoughts with you, at least they will be new ones!
Are you not reaching your goal? I promise I’m better at seeing fact-thoughts in others. Schedule a free discovery session and I bet we’ll find some of yours AND begin to identify a path forward that you like better.