get back up again

The lyrics, “I get knocked down. I get back up again.” I have been going through my head all weekend.  

It’s not entirely applicable.  No one knocked me down.  It wasn’t life threatening or anything.  But, it was jarring to me.  I felt like I was watching myself stop all the habits I had worked to create.  It’s like watching something fall,  You are across the room and know you can’t reach it in time. 

I have been thinking a lot about resilience as I have retaken control of my brain.   Control might be too strong of a word.  Manage is probably more accurate.  Partially managed is even better.

I have broken habit chains before and not felt it so viscerally.   I thought that with all this knowledge of how my brain worked, it wouldn’t happen again.  I have found that I am human.

But there it was.  Circumstances happen.  The old scripts play out because my brain is used to playing them.  Stealthy and gradually.  I was aware, but not.  

Now that I’m on the other side of it, I know it happened for a reason.   I’m better able to see it when it happens to me next time, and I’m better equipped to help others understand what’s going on.