The lyrics, “I get knocked down. I get back up again.” I have been going through my head all weekend.
It’s not entirely applicable. No one knocked me down. It wasn’t life threatening or anything. But, it was jarring to me. I felt like I was watching myself stop all the habits I had worked to create. It’s like watching something fall, You are across the room and know you can’t reach it in time.
I have been thinking a lot about resilience as I have retaken control of my brain. Control might be too strong of a word. Manage is probably more accurate. Partially managed is even better.
I have broken habit chains before and not felt it so viscerally. I thought that with all this knowledge of how my brain worked, it wouldn’t happen again. I have found that I am human.
But there it was. Circumstances happen. The old scripts play out because my brain is used to playing them. Stealthy and gradually. I was aware, but not.
Now that I’m on the other side of it, I know it happened for a reason. I’m better able to see it when it happens to me next time, and I’m better equipped to help others understand what’s going on.